I was hiking through Cinque Terre and found myself barefoot on one of the cute little beaches. I wrote this story, about a little golden fish who could have been visiting there, but was too scared to say hi because of all the sweaty feet.
Once upon a fairy forest.
It seemed like an ordinary day but there was wonder in the air, as if anything mysterious was possible.
And so it happened a golden fish found her way into the fairy forest. She was very shy and full of magic, she could make wishes happen.
A little blue tongue lizard at that very moment noticed the splash of gold in the water. “I wonder what it could be”. She whispered, “Hello little golden light, sparkling just so in the ripples. I wish I could swim and follow you to learn your mysteries”.
Then amazingly, she found herself with gills among the lilly pads. It was scary and she didn’t like it, not one little bit. “Oh help, I wish I could fly up high above the water into the sky”.
Then amazingly, she grew wings and lifted in the breeze with wobbles and bobbles. “Oh help, I wish…”
The little golden fish appeared. “Now listen here … I will grant you only one more wish, so think carefully and choose wisely”. Mmmm thought the little blue tongue lizard. “I wish I was a little blue tongued lizard, safe on the bank beside the lake wondering about the golden mysterious light.”
AND SO IT WAS.
Thank you little magic wish fish, for teaching me how wonderful it is to be just me. I will remember everyday to be grateful for my little blue tongue and my little dry bank next to the lovely lake.
Failure is really a subjective label or judgment. When you say, “I’m a failure”, you have just labeled and judged yourself, when really it’s counter productive to success. “There is no such thing as failure, just unwanted outcomes”, Dr. Wayne Dyer; Anthony Robbins.
A healthy way to analyse and understand a situation is to be curious and kind yourself. Try to reflect: “Is this good for me? How did I get here? What can I learn? What can I be grateful for?”. Unwanted outcomes is just that you ended up somewhere you didn’t want to be, so try a different route. Take responsibility and do something different. Negative thoughts and self doubt only rob your brain of dopamine and serotonin and then steals your motivation. Seriously unhelpful!
Here is a story a friend told me when I stuck in stuck in an ‘unwanted outcome’. It’s an old Buddhist tale.
One day a man was walking down the street, he didn’t realise, but there was a huge hole in the road and fell into it… it took him a while to get, muttering to himself how it was possible he couldn’t see the hole.
Another day the same man found himself wandering down that same very street, he remembered there was something he was meant to remember, but the street lured him and he fell down the hole and it took a while to get out.
After some time, he was walking down the same street, looking out for the hole, but still fell down the hole.
Guess what he did the next time he came upon that same street? He turned down another street and never fell down that hole again.
What do we focus on here… the falling down the hole or that learning is a process. In Solution Focused Therapy, the emphasis is on observing when you are doing something that works and stop doing the things that don’t work. We will all fall down a hole, that’s just human, but we can be kind to ourselves and see it as a learning experience and be grateful for the good things in our lives.